Thoughts
by monkkie-jedi
Summary: A series of one-shots following the thoughts of Nataly Shepard and Kaidan Alenko before, during, and after the Reaper War. Chapter 1-Kids: Commander Shepard finally admits to Kaidan the thing that she wants the most, other than defeating the Reapers-a family. More importantly, a family with him.


**Thoughts**

**A/N: I shouldn't be writing this because of the fact that I have tons of other stories that I should be working on, but this idea popped into my head after I watched a video about the Indoctrination Theory for Mass Effect 3. It's about why Mass Effect 3 is one of the most complex games because of the theory that throughout the entire game, Commander Shepard is supposedly being indoctrinated the entire time. Go look it up on youtube; it's actually pretty interesting and it actually makes more sense than the storyline everyone else was going along with. I, for one, am hooked on that theory and am standing by it. Especially when the child-ghost-thingy-majig tells Shepard that he'll die if he chooses the destroy option and…well…I don't want to spoil it for those of whom haven't seen, heard of, or played the ending. While I love spoilers, I doubt everyone shares my view. **

**So, anyway, here is a one-shot that might turn into a series of one-shots if enough people like it. The pairing is FemShepXKaidan with hints of FemShepXGarrus from Mass Effect 2, when Kaidan was being an idiot. And there are going to be some tiny changes from the actual storyline, but nothing big. Nothing that would change the entire storyline of the games. Just some switching around of conversations.**

**Kids**

"I think…I think I want children."

In the dark, barely lit room of her captain's quarters Nataly could feel Kaidan tense up from her sudden confession. With her body resting alongside his, her head upper body resting on his chest , Nataly couldn't remember the last time she'd felt such warmth. His arm, which had been wrapped around her, suddenly tightened just the slightest bit, making her look up at him.

Her chin resting on his collarbone, concerned eyes met a mix of surprise and anxiety, all while Kaidan remained speechless. His mouth opened and closed as if he were trying to speak but nothing came out. It only took a few minutes though before he gave up, running his free hand through his hair in that nervous way of his when something happened that he had no control of.

Nataly gazed up at him with nothing but patience, letting him work out his thoughts as she ran a finger across his chest as she waited. She could understand his feelings; she'd felt nervous even _admitting _it to him, much less having to hear it from her significant other. It was something that people in her profession—not to mention her position as the future savior of Earth and pretty much the entire Milky Way—didn't think about very much.

"You know, when a woman says something like that she usually expects a response of some kind," Nataly finally spoke up after a few long minutes, stopping her annoyance from taking control. She'd had to restrain herself from pulling herself out of his arms and getting dressed then and there, so he could think alone. Meanwhile she would've just brooded until he'd come find her, if it were a normal fight between the two of them.

But this wasn't normal for them, not by a long shot.

"I'm…I…I don't know what to say to that Shepard. Isn't this kind of…sudden?" Kaidan replied, turning slightly so that they were both lying on their sides, directly facing each other. With little space between them, Nataly found herself still tipping her chin up, looking up at him so that their eyes could meet.

"I know it is but…I'm a woman Kaidan. While guys can go off and have children until the day they die, women only have a few years before their time runs out to have children. Most women have their first child, on average, by the time they're twenty-five. I'm a little behind," Nataly explained, her voice soft and quiet, yet loud enough to be heard over the low hum of the ship.

Kaidan sighed, moving to brush a lock of strawberry blonde hair behind her ear. "You never told anyone—or me—that you wanted kids Shepard. I think I'm a little surprised; you never seemed to want any."

Gazing at him with bright green eyes, she smiled. "Back on Earth, kids weren't a priority. Try raising some when you live in one of the worst districts crime wise. Plus the guys I was with…most of them were asses. They'd give me a place to stay but then ask me for something in return, something I didn't _want _to give. But when you're in my situation, you don't really get a choice—and I didn't."

"So, when someone finally brought it up, well," Nataly said, laying on her back as she stared at the ceiling. "I didn't want to risk having a child. I didn't want to have a daughter that would have to live like I did if something happened to me. Or, worse, I didn't want a son that would act like those guys and act like an ass to a girl. Either way, both weren't an option for me."

"I can understand, kind of, when you put it that way," Kaidan replied. "But what happened when you became a soldier, left that city? Or left Earth?"

Sighing, Nataly found herself grinning. "I found Archangel."

Kaidan, looking confused, watched her carefully. No wonder, when she was pretty much confessing that she'd thought about kids without him in the equation. "What happened with Archangel? And who was he?" Kaidan asked, trying to come off as nonchalant—but failing terribly.

Giggling, Nataly watched Kaidan with amusement, trying to remember the last time the spectre had been forced to act nice to get information. Actually, she couldn't. "You must be pretty desperate if you're playing nice Kaidan. But if you _must _know, Archangel was the alias Garrus had been going under when we found him on Omega, running from mercs.

"It started out as something to…ease tension, you know, but...things changed. After Horizon, I needed someone to be there for me—and I know you didn't mean what you said Kaidan, but can you imagine if that had been you in my place?" Nataly asked him, turning her head to look at him again. "For a while, he was the one holding me up and me him. I…I loved him Kaidan. Hell, I still do but it's not the same thing we have. I feel like I could go to the ends of the world for you," She murmured.

Kaidan smiled, leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead. "I'd do the same for you Shepard…Nataly." He murmured, allowing himself the moment. "But that still doesn't explain what changed your mind. Are you telling me…"

"That I was willing to have half-Turian babies? Hell yeah. I even started to wonder what they'd look like, even though I knew it was impossible for it to work out. I was beginning to consider adoption, something that amazed me; we were still in the middle of a war, on course for a suicide mission through the Omega 4 Relay. I shouldn't have been thinking about kids at a time like that."

Studying her, Kaidan found himself picturing her with kids. It was pretty hard. "I don't think I can picture you without armor Nataly. For as long as I've known you you've either been fighting this war or on this ship—which is still fighting. Seeing you as a civilian…I think it'd be a shock. But knowing you, you'd hide a gun on you and kick anyone's ass that got in your way."

"You're probably right," Nataly replied cheerfully, already thinking about it. "Although it's actually pretty hard to _hide _a gun these days. Not like I can just put my Widow down my shirt and hope no one notices. Even my pistol isn't small enough to stay discreet. But—wait, I got off track. What was I saying?"

"Something about thinking of kids before the Omega 4 Relay," Kaidan replied, watching as her face lit up again. "It seems like your mind hasn't changed."

"It did, for a little while. When I was back on Earth under Alliance's constant surveillance, there was always this kid who played on a nearby rooftop. It kind of made me want kids more, with all the happy smiles and playing around. But then the reapers came and I decided, for a little while, that I didn't want to put a kid in a world like this." Her big grin turned into a gentle smile, causing Kaidan to grin just a little bit. To him, her happiness was infectious, even if they were talking about an ex-boyfriend.

"Yeah, and what changed that?" He asked, moving so that he could sit up in bed. She followed, resting her body almost entirely against his, her strawberry blonde hair splayed across his chest.

"I think…I think it had to do with you. I'm not saying seeing you again made me want to have children but the idea…the thought that in the future, I can have a family with the guy I love…it gives me a little hope. Or at least makes me hope we survive this. So I can have some kids one day and be able to watch them while they run around in our backyard. A huge house, two stories, a patio around the front and a deck in the back. Maybe a pool, but the yard still needs to be big enough for a jungle gym or something like that."

"What about a tree house? I always wanted those when I was a kid. Dad was never around to help me build one though. Did teach me how to shoot though," Kaidan jokingly replied, receiving laughter in return.

"Yeah, well I think we'll be showing them how to shoot a little later in life. And hey, you're starting to plan too. Guess I'm not the only one who wants kids," She jokingly replied, running a hand through her hair as she sat a little higher up to check her clock on the bedside table. "Aw, damn it. I have to be in the war room in forty-five. And I haven't even taken a shower yet," She nearly yelled, jumping from bed to grab clothes before rushing towards the shower.

"I have to take one too so what do you think of sharing?" Kaidan asked as he watched her disappear into the bathroom. He could hear her moving around, every sound echoing loud enough to be heard in the next room.

"I only have ten minutes to take a shower Kaidan," She replied, sticking her head out of the small room and smirking right at him. "Unless you can assure me that we'll be out of there in ten, then I might have to go in there all alone."

Chuckling Kaidan sat up and made himself get up from the comfortable bed. "We have plenty of time then," He replied slyly, sauntering up the door with a smirk on his lips. "But if you think I'll just delay you…"

Nataly's grin fell as she walked right out of the bathroom and into his arms. "Okay, so screw the war room for a few more minutes. I need my man before I walk into that mess," She murmured, lifting herself on the tips of her toes so that her lips met his.

Nataly melted into his embrace, molding her body to his as his hands pulled her closer. His kisses left her breathless and they only parted to come up for air. Slowly they inched closer and closer to the bathroom, until they finally hit the door and Kaidan had to wave his hand for it to open. When it finally did they both found themselves against a wall with streams of water hitting them from above. "Have I ever mentioned that I've wanted to be kissed in the rain," Nataly asked as Kaidan moved to leave a trail of kisses from her chin down her neck until he finally reached her collarbone.

"I'm going to do more than just kiss you Nataly," Kaidan panted, looking her in the eye with a grin before he finally got serious. "Nataly…I promise I'll fulfill more than that. I want…I want to give you everything in the world and I know it's not all possible, but I think I can handle a kid or two," He murmured quietly, pausing to rest his forehead against hers, golden brown eyes meeting serene emerald.

Nataly's face broke out in the biggest smile Kaidan had ever seen, for not only her but most of the humans he had met. "You mean it? It's not just pre-all-out-war jitters?"

Kaidan shook his head, giving her a gentle smile in reply. "If it's with you Nataly, I think I would do anything to keep you happy. But…it's not just that. I want a family and I want on with you. So, when this war is over, I promise I'll find you. I don't care about the statistics and how impossible everything says the mission is going to be; I _will _find you and I _will _give you everything I possibly can."

Nataly's hand moved of its own accord, lightly trailing across his cheek. "Kaidan, I can't tell you how much that means to me," She murmured, moving to put her arms around his neck. "I'm yours Kaidan; I don't think I could live without you." And with that, she sealed the deal with a kiss.

**A/N: So, I don't know what to think of this one-shot at the moment, mainly because I stayed up all night finishing Mass Effect 3 and didn't finish it until almost seven in the morning. Then I went help my parents with some stuff and, because I'm going skating tonight, took a three hour nap that did nothing to help my sleepiness. So I might have been typing this up while completely incoherent, which means some parts might seem ramble-y. I looked over it and took out a few pieces of non-stop rambling, but it might still be a little sketchy. **

**Hope you like it though. The idea hit me when I heard about the dreams and real life situations involving the kid. Personally, I'm going to stick with indoctrination theory but, eh, to each his own right? **

**And if you read that and feel the urge to tell me how I'm wrong for thinking that the indoctrination theory could work, let me just say one thing: everyone has their opinions. I have mine and if you're going to tell me about yours, please do it in a civil manner. Know it alls are just annoying, kay?**


End file.
